Beautiful.

As we were awaiting our placement for the next part in the 'Joseph Mega mix curtain call extravaganza"...a few of us girls were discussing...shaving...always a fascinating subject. The conversation consisted of the usual complaints about the immense frequency of shaving and the vast area of skin that is needed to be shaven. Laughter always ensues in conversations such as these. It's impossible not to laugh about the silly predicaments one might find herself in and mutual disgust for a necessary evil that women have endured for quite some time.We joked about the..."...and how you always had to shave cuz you just KNEW that your crushes leg might rub up against yours and he'd hate you if you had hairy legs..."We laughed about how much we worried about things like that...I mean, do guys even really notice anyway?I've heard/read...and know...that guys don't exactly see girls the way we see ourselves. Girls are extremely nit picky about everything...but, do guys even really see all that stuff the way we do?...we stress about the cellulite on our legs, how fat and gigantic we think we look in a pair of jeans, acne, unwaxed eyebrows, flabby arms...and poochy stomachs. But, do guys even truly notice all that? I mean, of course, to a certain degree they do...but, to the extreme that we do?I honestly don't think they do. I truly believe that girls are more beautiful to guys than we will ever give ourselves credit for being. I think they see us in a completely different light than the tainted one we see ourselves in. Girls are crazy comparers who constantly compare themselves to every girl they see/meet…movies/magazines…the girl that walks by her in the mall. Every girl’s _____ is too ______ . We’ve been subjected to this way of thinking about beauty that most of us, if not all of us, will never be able to live up to. But, what for? Do we want to be beautiful for ourselves or to impress guys? It’s a little bit of both. But, I know (this I am not proud of) that I measure my beauty most of the time on how guys react or what they think about me….how beautiful guys really think I am. If a guy never asked me out, my head would be consumed with thoughts about how ugly I must be because guys don’t want me. Thus causing this cycle of trying to become “more beautiful” and consistently “failing” according to the high standards we girls put upon ourselves. However, if guys don’t see all those flaws that we see…then why do we fret so much about it? I think that’s maybe why guys get so mad when girls talk badly about themselves. It’s because guys think we’re beautiful (they may be too shy to say it…or just don’t want to) and they don’t like us to say that we aren’t because that means we’re telling them that they’re wrong. And who wants to be told that what they think is wrong?We discussed this but came up with the sad conclusion that even though we know that guys don’t see all that stuff or really care about all that stuff, we don’t think we’d ever be able to not care about it. We all acknowledged the stupidity of the spazzing out and fretting. But, although fully conscience of what we were doing to ourselves, we knew that we probably could never stop. This blog isn’t me trying to cure low self esteem. I’d be a complete hypocrite to demand girls to truly believe that they are beautiful because I definitely haven’t mastered that yet. I’ve been looking at myself through a distorted mirror for a very very long time. If there were Self-esteem pills, I would have overdosed by now. It’s been a roller coaster ride and quite the uphill battle, but, I’m going to win. I promise you that. I know I’ll never be able to convince you of your beauty and how truly exquisite you are, or how you are a timeless masterpiece. But, perhaps maybe next time you’re worrying about the pimple on your head when you’re talking to your crush…just know that he probably didn’t notice and he’s lost in your eyes.~Shara

"Do not let your adornment be merely outward-arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel-rather let it the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the the sight of God." 1 Peter 3:3-4