Au Revoir Ma Cherie

I leave tomorrow morning for Birmingham. I'm bringing my laptop so, I should have readily available access to blogging fun. I'll try my best to write down interesting life as it happens...even though I don't think anyone reads this. Nevertheless, for my personal benefit when I am old and grey, I will write down interesting life happenings.

I have two rather large suitcases, but, both only weigh in at 40 pounds so, I'm good. hehe. It blows my mind how people don't bring that much luggage, or smaller bags...I mean, how do they fit all their stuff?? I have one suitcase with clothes in it, and I tried my best to utilize space as well as I could...you know, the whole rolling of clothing articles into compact pieces. And my other suitcase is all the random stuff like towels, iron, blanket, sheets, pillow, etc. and it is all stuffed in there! I mean, doesn't everyone have to bring that stuff? I remember last year I felt like I overpacked, but, in the first week I'd basically run out of shirts to wear. So, this year, I packed pretty much every shirt I own haha. But, I mean, it's not that bad...I wouldn't feel bad if other people had two large suitcases. But, I remember my roommate last year had ONE small suitcase and I felt SO ridiculous. I mean, I felt so ridiculous. But, I got over that shortly. I think I will be very happy that I have a plethora of clothing articles (sorta) to wear AND I packed my exercise balls. I WILL do my crunches!! I will!!

I refuse to get fat. It's salads with a side of salad for me and minimal french fries. Last summer I got fat, this summer I will not. I refuse to be a blimp.

I'm excited! I'll be fine if my mom doesn't start crying. I don't like watching her cry. I'd cry too. There is no need for tears. Student Life is a good thing.

Lata,

Cookie.

Fin.

I officially have an Associates Degree in General Education.

Holla. Holla.

I am now a Junior in college----> Say whaaaaaaaa?!?!?!?!?!

This marks the end of a part of my life.

Fin.

And the beginning of a new and exciting part.

commencement.

Oh, I love new beginnings.


Lataa.

~Cookie

I fear I shall disappoint.

Samford makes me feel really special.

Too special, I think.

They raised my scholarship. The head of the School of the Arts called me (and laughed heartily at my voicemail message haha) and told me they found some more scholarship money and they wanted to give it to me because they had wanted to give me more previously, but, didn't have any. So, when money came available, he said they wanted to give it to the me, "the one who deserved it in the first place."

My mom called today about housing. They said that one of the theatre heads came in and talked to this admissions lady for an hour about how he already had ROLES picked out for ME (Whaaaa?!) and he told her she had his full permission to give me whatever they possibly could in order to get me to go there.

This blows my mind.

I just hope I don't disappoint them. I feel as though I had a freak audition that was really...amazing apparently (weird) and, Samford feels as if I hang the moon.

I don't feel this way.

I just hope I don't turn out to be this big let down...and they don't wonder why in the world there was so much "hype" about "Sharacookie!!" ...yes, they call me that. :)

I hope I can sing, act, and dance as well as they think I can. ha...oh, boy.

But, it does make me feel good. It's so easy to feel so inadequate when you're pursuing your dreams of being an actress. It's so easy to feel like I'll never be good enough or as AMAZING as EVERYBODY else...that no one will ever want to cast me...or accept me...or want me.

Then God sends along Samford. They believe in me tremendously. I know I am going to grow exceedly while I'm there and I can't WAIT to go!

Also, another God thing...I got a check in the mail for a "Kiddie trust fund" my parents had made for me. It was the exact amount needed for room and board at Samford.

God is good.

The tuition is falling into place. I knew it would. God always has everything under control.

How Great is Our God.


Side note: Speaking of...Chris Tomlin has bad diction. "How Grey is our Gah?" what does THAT mean?

One week from now I'll be in Birmingham soaking up the goodness of Student Life. I will be with a bunch of new strangers who will soon become friends (haha hopefully). I will be bombarded with scripts and various time-consuming stressful responsibilities. I will feel overwhelmed, inadequate, scared, happy, excited, elated, tired...

it's going to be great.

Bring it.

Three days left of BCC. The end is so close...

Jazz recital Wednesday night. Feel free to come and be amazed at my dancing abilities....or extreme lack there of.

I performed a routine to "Sway" by Michael Buble. My teacher said, "INREDIBLE! Absolutely INCREDIBLE"

heyyy...who woulda thunk it? Cookie can dance.

~Cookie

What ARE you?

I guess there's something about being biracial that intrigues white people. They think it's so...interesting...or something.

I went to Clinique to get some lipgloss and a quickliner (LOVELOVELOVE...PLUS it was FREE GIFT DAY!! Oh, makeup. I love thee), and one of the girls working there looked at me and said,

"You look JUST like Leona Lewis!"

I laughed a little, smiled, and said, "Wow, thank you!"

I mean, Leona Lewis is super beautiful...so, hey! I'll take it!

Then she proceeded to ask other employees around the different makeup counters if they thought I looked like her.

"Yeahh!"

"No, she's much prettier!" (hahah RIIIIGHT)

Then the girl was like, "You are just SO beautiful! You're just so exotic looking. I wish I was exotic looking. All these people come in who are mixed with something and they just look so beautiful. I'm just so boring and white."

I mean...what do you say to that?? Is there a way to properly respond without being super awkward?

I've never thought myself to be very pretty. I suppose I find myself decent looking...nothing beautiful or anything. I don't think I'm heinous looking, but, I'm no gorgeous human being.

However, my whole life I've become semi-used to comments like these...even though I still don't know how to respond to them.

Like...the women did this thing (that has happened a lot throughout my life) where they'll stare at me, stare at each other, comment (quite loudly) about how "beautiful I am" (HAHA) and stuff...I mean, seriously...how do you respond to that? It's so awkward.

I never meet someone without being asked, "What ARE you?!"..."You look so different!"

I sometimes enjoy letting people guess. I usually get some sort of Puerto Rican/Spanish/Mexican decent. I've had many people ask me if I could speak Spanish...or expect that I do...like ask me something in Spanish haha...hmm "HOLA?!"

A lot of people just think I'm white with a tan.

I think I throw people off because my eyes are green. I'm not sure, but, I guess it's just something I'll always have to live with.

My favorite is when people will argue with me that I am in fact NOT half black. Umm...I think I...er...know.

It makes my mom really mad when people ask me what I am. She always responds with,

"JUST TELL THEM YOU'RE A PERSON"

I think couples in a biracial relationship develop complexes. I'm pretty sure my mom has a complex.

Sorta like...

"Are you staring at us? Why are you staring at us? YES, I'm WHITE and my husband is BLACK, does that BOTHER YOU?!?! It DOESN'T BOTHER ME!!!"

hahah...

Heyy black & white is the shiznit. Women at Clinique are jealous.

~Cookie

Happy Birthdayyyy

So, it's my birthday. It's been grand. I mean, as grand as a day spent in boring classes can be. Facebook made me feel loved with tons of birthday wishes...and Vandell and Chelsea sent me THE most incredibly insanely amazing birthday messages on my phone EVER. I laughed for like ten years. They were amazing.

I ate amazing sushi and I'm about to devour a gigantic cookie cake...well, not ALL of it, but, as much as my body can manage.

It's been good. So...I'm now 19. Yay. I always thought of 19 as super old until I've reached it. I don't feel old at all. I don't feel like an adult or mature or...awesome. People my age are getting married and that is strange to me. I can't imagine having a boyfriend much less a HUSBAND! Oh, my...I'd probably be the worst wife of all time.

But, yeah, I shall enjoy the next 365 days I have left of being a teenager. Then...it's all over.

on a super negative note...my puppy got fleas (but, they're gone now)...so, I'm paranoid and I've been itching like crazy because I'm pretty certain I have fleas as well. but, I think it's all in my head.

I love you.

~19 year old Cookie

the Naked truth.

So, I had a dream last night that I went to a porn store. I was like looking around while the employees were helping out some other guy with his porno buying. When they were done, a guy came over to me and was like, "Can I help you? What kind of movie are you looking for?" And I was like, "I don't know. I've never seen porn before. Do you have any suggestions?" And he was like, "Oooh a newbie." And he started naming off a bunch of weird random things like...I don't even remember. I just remember that if I DID remember and I wrote them down, you would laugh really hard. Then...that was the end. Hmm...I wonder what this could mean. Maybe I have some deep desire to watch porn or be in porno more like it (HAHAHAHA)...I don't know, whatever goes on in my brain processes is beyond me. And, no, I don't watch porn and I have NO desire to. I actually get awkwarded out just by watching people kiss each other. I doubt I could watch them do the dirty dirty. Besides, that's gross and sick nastayyy. I do want to buy one of those kamasutra books right before I get married or something...or like right after. I mean, I won't know what the crap I'm doing, so, I best study up. I mean, is that weird? Like...get an instruction manual to read with my husband. Sex for dummies? Does that exist? I mean, if he still has his v-card too, he should be just as clueless as I am. The only thing I know is from movies with sex scenes. But, those are usually outlandish like on the kitchen counter or in the middle of the Pacific Ocean on a raft or something...surrounded by sharks. So, unless I plan on spending my honeymoon on a kitchen counter, those movies are of no help. Otherwise wouldn't we just be like super lost? Or is it an innate thing? Not sure. Or...does that like completely crash your husbands ego by telling him he obviously will not know what he's doing and we should probably study up before our wedding night. Is it okay THEN to watch porn? I mean, if you're watching it solely to take some pointers? HAHAH I'M KIDDING I'M KIDDING I'M KIDDING!! Anways, point of blog: I had a funny dream. Thought I'd tell you about it...even though I don't think anyone reads this...probably a good thing. Love you. ~Cookie.

Plus ONE...yayy.

This is an essay I wrote like...three years ago?

It reminisces on one of my favorite memories.

I would just like to preface this by saying that I was 12 and I was very ignorant because I was homeschooled (HAHA). You should not give out your phone number to strangers online. That's scary.

Believing the unbelievable, conceiving the inconceivable, or something unimaginable ever happening to me, seemed as far away as getting my first padded bra. Of course, what a twelve-year-old teeny bopper believes is unimaginable, probably isn’t all that extraordinary at all. I had just made the switch from Barbie’s to boy bands, and had devoted my full attention to the Christian boy band, Plus ONE. I had seen them in concert numerous times, knew every lyric, knew all the band members’ birthdays, siblings, and even what they ordered at, the fast food restaurant, Taco Bell. By the time I had reached the age of eleven, I was completely convinced that one of the band members, Nate Cole, was going to marry me. The band sang feel-good songs about God and faith. Faith was always important to me. Little did I know that my faith was about to be tested.
Lonely, tired and bored to tears, I stared absentmindedly at my reflection in the sliding glass door. My green eyes, accented with my mom’s mascara, stared back, and my curls, awkwardly placed throughout my head, gently caressed the rebellious skin of a preteen. My younger sister, Brigette, stared at our computer screen. She was waiting for someone to sign onto the Plus ONE chat room to cure her from this obscene boredom.
It was late, and we were home alone.
“Hey, someone signed on!” Brigette said happily. I walked over to her.
“Dawang?” I asked, reading the screen. “What a weird screen name.”
I was on and off on the conversation between my sister and this “Dawang” character. They talked about their favorite band members and other subjects. The conversation went on for quite sometime when suddenly “Dawang” typed into the computer that Gabe, a member from the band, was coming onto the chat room. My sister and I laughed.
“Yeah, right.” I snickered.
However, almost momentarily a “Guest” signed onto the chat room.
“Guest” and “Dawang” then proceeded to try to convince my sister that they were Jeremy and Gabe, both members of the band. I wasn’t convinced at all. I just knew that they were two girls trying to mess with our minds.
“Guest” and “Dawang” told my sister to ask them any question. My sister did, and they got them right.
My sister looked up at me with her big brown eyes. “Shara, what if it really is them?”
I couldn’t believe my sister was falling for this.
“Brigette, come on, it’s not them.” I insisted. “They’re just two girls!”
I could tell my sister didn’t agree with me.
Finally, “Guest” typed into the chat room, “What can we do to convince you that it’s us?”
My sister was about to type something when I got an idea.
“Call me,” I typed into the computer. I just knew that the liars would fess up now not wanting to actually call my sister.
However, the response was quite the contrary to what I expected.
“Ok,” “Guest” typed in.
My sister was hysterical.
“It just can’t be them.” I muttered.
The phone rang. My sister ran into the kitchen. The silence that once engulfed our little house in Cocoa Beach was interrupted by piercing screams. I ran to another phone. There, on the other end of the phone line was a member of the band laughing hysterically at my sister’s and my reaction. We talked for hours.
Thinking that things that seem beyond our wildest dreams could ever come true proves very difficult to do. How many times a day do people say, “That’s impossible!” or “No way that could never happen!”? I had such a hard time believing that “Dawang” and “Guest” were actually members of the band. It seemed surreal. However, sometimes the unimaginable comes and pops us in the nose. Faith is believing in the unseen, the unfelt, and the unheard. My faith in amazing things happening to me was very small. That night changed that feeling forever.

Oh, crap.

So, I was backstage for a show one time (which was actually a rather CRAPPY show...HAHA, oh, I kill myself), and a fellow cast member (a male) commented on how much he just loves women and how beautiful they are. (obviously he hasn't seen me in the morning harharhar)

Anyways, he went on to say that, and I quote,"Girls don't poop. They just can't. I refuse to believe that girls poop."

Hmm.Okay.

This makes me chuckle. I mean, sorry babe, but, girls in fact DO poop...unless, I'm a he-she or something and something is drastically wrong with me. But, yeah, we poop. I mean, what else would we do? We just eat stuff and it magically turns into beautifying cream inside our bodies. Wow, I wish.

But, pooping, I suppose, just seems like a..."manly" thing to do.

Men always get the rep of being the gross gender who fart and burp...and poop. But, girls just don't do any of those things. Because we're perfection. hehehe. But, I mean, I agree to a certain degree on the weirdness of thinking about some girls pooping. I mean, like supermodels...Heidi Klum. Yeah, I'm pretty sure she doesn't poop. Or like...me. You know, I'm insanely beautiful and I'm pretty sure guys would never believe that I could ever poop. (laugh. I'm kidding)

I've met a fair share of girls that just ooze perfection in my book. They're ALWAYS nice and happy. They're beautiful. They have the perfect boyfriend. They wear a size 00. They have flawless skin and hair. They are really neat and have probably never NOT made their bed. You know these people. And, well, I'm pretty sure those girls don't poop either. I mean, how could they? They're just so AWESOME

But, why is pooping such a degrading nasty thing? I mean, I don't know about you, but, I feel SO much better after I poop. Sometimes, I feel at least 5 pounds lighter which makes me feel SEXXXAAYYYY...(HAHA) I mean, sure, it's all the gross waste that your body doesn't need, but, isn't getting that stuff out better than keeping it all in?? Pooping should be glorified!! You should probably throw a party and pray a little thankful prayer to God that all that crap isn't stuck all up in you causing diseases! The act of pooping is a GLORIOUS thing!!

You know you're supposed to poop 3 times a day? I eat my fiber so, I'm doing pretty well...but, some people have told me that they only poop like ONCE A WEEK! or something even WORSE than that!!! Duuuuuude eat some vegetables!!! My goodness!! POOP ALREADY!! You're just trying to be a GIRL...cuz, they don't poop, you know.

My mom is like nutritionist/health crazed/PHD Nutrition super woman...and she loves talking about stuff like poop.

It's really disturbing in a way when your mother just wants to tell you about all the different kinds of poop and what they mean. But, I'm pretty much awesome at poop now.

FOR INSTANCE, if your poop floats, you have too much fat in your diet. Your poop should be like soft served ice cream. If that doesn't make you want to vomit, I don't know what else will.

I wonder if people would like poop more if it was...purple or...rainbow colored. I think there's a negative connotation associated with brown. I'm pretty sure blue or lilac would make people like poop more. I know I'd look forward to that. But,

I mean, if you think about girls pooping...that is just not at all gross compared to monthly periods. Sorry to men about getting on the period convo, but, periods are seriously like the most sick nasty thing OF ALL TIME. There is nothing hott about a period. Blood gushing out of you for a week from your vajayjay is not cute. It feels bad, it looks bad, and it smells bad. Fish tacos anyone? (eww Shara you are so inappropriate...oh, I try)

Ever had colonix?? My mom gets it. She loves it. But, she would. I don't know how I feel about someone sticking a tube up my butt & forcing water up through it so, I can watch all the poop come out of me. That's awkward. Who wakes up one morning and goes, "Hey, I think I'll be a colonix person when I grow up." ?

Well, actually, my mom's colonix person...is a WOMAN. She obviously poops because she loves it so much, she's around it all day long!

Well, I'm not sure there was a point to this. Poop, in my mind, is still brown, nasty, and smelly...but, it's a necessary part of life that women DO partake in. This I promise you.

Remember to eat lots of fiber, keep yourself regular, and be happy when you poop. You no longer have that inside of you and you are healthier, happier person because of it.

~Cookie

Just hold me...please...tight...and don't let go.

I wonder what God thinks when He thinks of me.

I hope he smiles. I hope he laughs.

I hope he's like, "Ah, yes, Shara, she makes me laugh...she's crazy."

I hope I make him proud of me. I hope I don't disappoint him too greatly.

I know one can never be "Good enough", but, sometimes I feel as though I fall so short, and that it must be impossible for God to be pleased with me.

But, I know he loves me.

I bet he has a great smile. And a crazy laugh...even crazier than mine.

I hope I bring out both of those.

~Cookie

I've got a pocketful of sunshine.

I don't understand why it is that I find horror films ridiculously hilarious...but, I do. I mean, I find them uncontrollably hilarious. At times, I find horror films funnier than most comedies. Horror films are genius when it comes to comedy...they just don't try to be.

Jessica and I went to see "The Ruins" today, and, I will admit, I was genuinely freaked out by the previews for this movie. It looked really freaky and disturbingly scary.

Oh, man. I literally laughed HYSTERICALLY OUTLOUD for most of the movie.

I am that obnoxious person in the movie theatre who is dying laughing when most people are covering their eyes in terror.

I mean, this is not the case most of the time. In my favorite horror films, the Saw movies, I lose my voice from all the screaming that comes forth from my vocal chords. I scream A LOT...climb on top of the seats...cower behind my hands/clothes/friends, etc. I love those movies (Except the 4th one...how disappointing...don't get me started), but, they make my heart race and genuinely scare the crap out of me. I find them genius though.

We also can't forgot the movie, "See No Evil", which would possibly be classified as a "B" movie because I doubt very many people have even heard of it. I screamed so loud during this movie, you would have thought it was I who was being attacked by a vicious murderer. I actually screamed so loud that an employee came into the theatre and told me, "Excuse me, ma'am, could you please stop that."

What? I was scared!! It was so scary. I felt nauseous afterwards and almost passed out. For this, I am not proud. haha

I don't recommend that movie. Not a keeper.

Anyways, but, THE RUINS!!! Holy bajeebers it was so funny. It was downright hilarious. The previews make you think that some sick people...most likely mutants, as they usually are (HAHA) are going to attack the random stupid teenagers that are on vaca. HOWEVER, the "bad guy" in this movie, one soon discovers, are maneating WEEDS...plants...these stupid plants that like attack you, and if you have a cut, they go inside you and like slither around. It's a stupid PLANT. I found this so funny.

With the exception of a GRODY scene of breaking a guy's legs with rocks and proceeding to cut off his legs with a tiny little knife and burning the open wound with a cast iron skillet...(I MEAN WHAT THE HECKKK SO UNCALLED FOR) the movie was very funny.

Cuz I mean...after they cut off his legs...the maneating plants came and stole the feet because they wanted to eat them. hahaha

My favorite part was this poor guy who got hurt...paralyzed actually...had bloody nasty legs when he went to bed. In the morning, this girl comes over and he's like, "I think something's wrong with my legs...look at them for me." and she pulls back the blanket and his legs are covered in...

WEEDS

HAHAHA

I mean, seriously? I laughed so hard. I felt bad. I know people don't like horror movie laughers...so, I was literally holding it back so hard. But, I was actually crying at some points I was laughing so hard. Especially when I discovered one of the lead guys had a funny lisp/awkward accent that I proceeded to mock and make fun of...and Jessica almost peed in her pants.

I await the moment when we get escorted out of a movie theatre. It is bound to happen soon.

Maybe I'm a sick individual, but, the movie was just too funny.

The acting was poor, but, that's expected. The girl from SAVED was in it...which I LOVE. She was obnoxious as heck in this movie though. I wanted so terribly to punch her. Also, the blonde pretty girl from SHE'S THE MAN...another all time favorite of mine, was in it. She went psycho...and that was kinda funny too. We also got to see her boobs. I mean, YAYYYY lifetime goal of mine. I love how horror movies feel the urge to always show at least one pair of boobs. Why? I mean...why?

in conclusion, don't waste your money.

1 month until Student Life---> YAY!

2 weeks until 19---woot!

1 blessed week of Spring Break RIGHT NOW---> thank goodness!!

~Cookie

Whisper sweet nothings in my ear.

I don't want to be famous. I don't want thousands of people screaming my name. I don't care if thousands of people even know my name. I don't want fame. I don't want to sign autographs. I don't want to be followed by the press. I just want to perform. I want to slip into another character's shoes and become that person for a night. I just want to perform. I just want to feel the warmth of the stage lights on my skin. I just want to perform. I just want to feel the stage beneath my feet. I just want to perform.
It's inside me. That's where it's always been; that's where it always will be. My heart yearns for the stage. My heart thirsts, craves, hungers for, aches for the stage. It's inside me.
It's apart of me.
I just want to perform.
Nothing less...nothing more.
I just want to perform.

It was all Yellow...

So, YESTERDAY my Student Life binder came in the mail, and I got SUPER excited and my heart felt like it was about to jump out of my body as I went ripping away at the envelope, proceeding to slowly turn the binder over to see the color gracing the front.

And it was....

YELLOW!!!

To be perfectly honest, I wouldn't have been disappointed with any team, but, deep down inside I wanted Yellow...and holy cow, for once in my life, I got what I wanted! haha...kidding.

I'm not sure why my heart wanted Yellow, but, it did.

So, I'm pretty stoked. It's somewhat sad looking through the list of names from the various teams as well as my own and barely recognizing ANY of them. I mean, very very very few names I recognize...not that I knew tons of SL people, but, still. I suppose it's just like last year. I was hoping to come back and feel like I knew people and knew what the heck I was doing...but, I feel like I'm in the same boat as last year; especially since supposedly a lot of changes are being made. But, I mean, that's exciting. I'm really excited for this summer and I just hope I can do a good job...and have fun! but, that's inevitable.

I shall miss my Blue Team '07 though. I think a hard part about this summer is going to be trying not to compare it to last summer...not compare the people/experiences/etc...or try to relive last summer. I just need to take this summer for what it is and run with it. Who knows...it could be ridiculously better :)

Okay, so, Samford University made me super t-oed.

Here's how this all went down.

So, my phone rings.

I answer it, and it's the Arts Recruiter from Samford.

Now, she's UBER excited...I mean, super excited about life that just OOZES all over the phone as she's talking to me. She is ridiculously excited about...something.

She proceeds to go on and on and ON about how there were hundreds of applicants this year for the School of the Arts and blah blah blah...and how out of all these people I was basically like the top pick.

She just went on and on and ON some more about how the I just impressed the crap (okay, she didn't say that) out of the Theatre department and they wouldn't stop talking about me...and, not only did I impress the Theatre Department, the Music Department (which I thought hated me actually haha) were extremely impressed by my singing.

She goes on.

And on.

"You're just exactly what we want and we're all just crossing our fingers and praying and hoping so hard that YOU'LL COME HERE"

Yeahhh...

Then the best part.

"So, we're going to offer you...

THREE-THOUSAND DOLLARS A YEAR!!"

My heart sunk.

What

the

crap.

I mean, the way she was talking, you would have thought that I was getting a full ride for crying out loud.

$3,000?!?!?!?!?!!?!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!

If I cussed, I'd cuss a lot right now.

This school is freakin 30 grand a YEAR and they're going to give me THREE THOUSAND DOLLARS?!?!?

Oh, snap, don't spend it all in ONE PLACE

I wanted to smack her...a good over the phone smack.

I mean, I'm at a loss for words. They're not giving me diddly squat for my academics because I'm a transfer student (STUPIDITY!!!!!)

I'm not trying to toot my own horn, but, I graduated from high school with a 4.5 GPA. I worked my butt off like you have no idea. I worked so hard. I spent 4 years with my face buried in books and what do I get?? Absolutely NOTHING. And why is that? Because the school I thought I was going to be attending didn't turn out the way I'd thought it would and I became a transfer student.

So, I went to college for the past two years and I have a 4.0 GPA. Straight freakin A's. Does that matter?? Oh, no. I get nothing. A pat on the back from my parents perhaps, but, other than that, nothing.

So, luckily I impressed the School of Performing Arts. I was hoping for SOME help, but, apparently they think it's a huge deal to give someone $3,000. Wow are they wrong.

So, now I'm in quite the pickle. I have no way of affording to go to Samford. I can't afford to go there. Who knows? I may have to stay for 3 years...and I absolutely refuse to owe close to $100,000 when I graduate. That doesn't even make a tiny bit of sense.

I'm trying SO hard and not to worry about this and just trust God...but, it's so hard. I have no idea what to do if I can't find a way to go to Samford. I have nothing else. I have nowhere to go.

So, Samford is not on my happy list right now. They get a Boo from Shara.

Okay, that was a nice vent.

LOVE,
Cookie

Because I knew you...I have been changed for good.

Oh, Jessica Cutler and Ashlee Black...

you both complete me.

Friends for about 5 years, but, it seems like a lifetime.

I am so blessed to have two people in my life that I can be mentally unstable with and...it's okay. I should have a six pack from all the laughing that occurs when we're together.

I'd imagine life without them...but, I don't like that very much.

I don't make much sense without them.

I love you both.

Jessica...see you...umm...tomorrow.

Ashlee...see you in August.

~Cookie

the rest is still unwritten

The Hills

I wish I didn't find it so intriguing, but, I've watched every season and definitely giddily cuddled up on my couch to watch the Season premier this evening. What is it that makes it so addicting? So...enthralling and enticing?

I've realized I have a fascination with beautiful people. I wonder what it's like. I wonder what it's like to be naturally 105 pounds. I wonder what it's like to have flawless glowing skin and a toothy smile filled with perfectly designed pearly whites. I wonder what it's like to have perfect hair that looks, well, perfect all the time. The leading characters of the Hills effortlessly gleam with beauty and it fascinates me to no end. I can't help but watch and wonder what it would be like to be one of them, if only for a moment.

I'm enthralled by their lives. Their lives seem so glamorous. They wear ridiculously expensive designer clothing, jewelry, and shoes. They live in LA and attend parties and, pretty much right out of high school, had jobs at Teen Vogue as interns. They go to PARIS. They attend balls and spectacles of such glamour, I couldn't even dream it up. They have more money than one could ever ask for. They've never and probably will never want for anything.

The reality factor seems extremely low. Wherever they go, there's always that handsome man who falls in love with them...who simply can't take his eyes off of them. He invites her somewhere...somewhere ridiculous...perhaps a hilltop overlooking the stars, complete with fireworks. Or maybe for a motorcyle ride around Paris, France as her designer ballgown flows in the wind.

I would be lucky if a guy at Mcdonalds smiled as he gave me my french fries.

This all amuses me. I think there's a part of people that want that...or, at least, are so curious about the lifestyles of the rich and the beautiful. Why else would we live in such a celebrity obsessed world? Their lives seem unreal compared to the drab existence I seem to live from day to day.

I wake up with pimples.

They wake up with a natural glow.

I slip into payless flats.

They slip into Christian Dior heels.

My hair gets poofier as the day goes on.

They're hair gets more fabulous as the day goes on.

I read romance novels.

They live them.

Of course, it's always said that it's all meaningless. This life will fade away. All the parties, the clothes, the beauty, the men,...it'll all go away. The only thing that means anything in this world are people's souls. They're the only thing that will ever last. I know this. I believe this.

But, there's always that curiosity...the desire somewhere inside of me that longs to be that gorgeous girl who has everything...or, at least, seems to.

The one all the girls want to be and all the boys want to be with.

Even though it's probably turning my brain into mush, I will continue to watch the Hills and bask in all that is glitz and glamour.

Perhaps it's like a good book that steals you away from the mundane redundance of every day life. It's nice to escape into someone else's. Someone you can't relate to in the slightest, but, a part of you wishes you could.

However, in the end of the day, I wouldn't trade places with any of them. Who wants to know Spencer Pratt anyway?? Gah, he is so heinous, I fight the urge to scream and throw stuff at my television whenever I see his disgusting peach fuzzed face.

I love you all.

~Cookie

P.P.S.

I dare you to listen to "You'll Never Walk Alone" from the musical Carousel and not cry or be emotionally moved in any way. It makes me bawl hysterically. I hope to perform it someday.



okay, I'm really done.



HOLLA,

CookIEEE

P.S.

I've realized that my posts lately have been insanely drab and ridiculously lame. However, I think my posts from January are decent so, in order to save myself from you believing that I might possibly be the most boring girl in the universe...perhaps read on and I may entertain you SLIGHTLY.

Super AWESOME note: I just ordered RENT tickets for April 13th. That will be an amazing day. I have never seen RENT live, so, I'm pretty stoked. I'm not a Renthead, but, I do love that show dearly.

I want to go dancing. Ashlee is home. This means dance parties galore in her bedroom. I love dance parties. Dance parties and sushi. I get both at Ashlee's.

My mom baked a cake in the shape of a bunny. She would. This is why I love her...amongst many other reasons.

I'm watching Godspell on tv...and it's...awkward. But, maybe it grows on you over time.

Why is March like 10 million years long? April...come please. Thank you.

~Cookie

HAYY EASTER HAYYYY

EASTER!! WOOHOO!!I've often thought that Easter should be a much bigger deal than Christmas. I mean, of course Jesus was BORN "on" Christmas, but, there would be no Christianity and no point of...life, really, if there was no Easter. I think Easter's kinda put on the backburner. It's like "OH, that's nice..." and Chrismas is like "CHRISTMASSSSSSSS!!!" and, well...I don't think it should be. So, yayeahh Easter!!

Recordings were not allowed so, let's just imagine this for a minute. Easter circa 1996. Six-year old Shara Lewis...probably about four feet tall-ish or something...is escorted onto Andrew's Air Force Base's church's stage from her seat. She is all dressed in her Easter best. I don't remember much from this except...the woman who escorted me and who was also the accompanist, had really warm hands. The accompanist began to play and little Shara began to belt out....
Low in the grave he lay, Jesus my Savior, waiting the coming day, Jesus my Lord!
Refrain:Up from the grave he arose; with a mighty triumph o'er his foes; he arose a victor from the dark domain, and he lives forever, with his saints to reign. He arose! He arose! Hallelujah! Christ arose!
Vainly they watch his bed, Jesus my Savior, vainly they seal the dead, Jesus my Lord! (Refrain)
Death cannot keep its prey, Jesus my Savior; he tore the bars away, Jesus my Lord! (Refrain)

Do you know that hymn? haha...oh, how I would love to have this on video. I just remember the Choir director coming out before the last verse and telling everyone to sing along with me. And...I remember exiting the stage. That's really about it. haha...but, it makes me smile just the same. We moved shortly after that (story of my life??? haha) but, I remember my mom telling me that the leading of the worship/choir/band had asked if I could sing with him frequently.
Shara the child star.

hahahEaster circa 1998.

Eight(possibly nine, depending on when Easter was) year old Shara. I had gotten a BRAND NEW (this was special. my siblings and I grew up on all hand-me-downs or thrift store/goodwill clothing) dress for Easter, and I was SO excited! I absolutely loved it. I could not wait for Easter to come so I could wear it! (maybe my mom would even let me wear LIPSTICK---> OH SNAP HOLLA) So...I went to bed the night before Easter, and I woke up...and I had my dress ON! Easter...my first sleep walking experience.

Easter circa a plethora of years. Early in the morning before church, my parents would hide Easter eggs ALL over our backyard and our front yard...some years they were empty, some years they had candy in them, some years they had MONEY in them (HAHA)...and we'd find Easter eggs before church. SO much fun.

Easter always meant pretty dresses and chocolate covered eggs and bunny rabbits. But, it truly means so much more, as I'm sure, most of you all know. I am thankful and ridiculously blessed to have a Savior who would die for me. A Savior who loves me no matter what I do. A Savoir who is praying for me, pleading for me, loving me...always. I am blessed and I am eternally grateful. I hope I make Him proud. I hope my life reflects His love.

Happy Easter everyone!!

Love Always,

Cookie

An ugly loser with no friends and no guys...

Hmm...the preceeding is a description of myself coined today, according to my sister. Once again she played the "Guys don't and will never like you" card.

Yeah, let's pick on Shara for never being the one guys wanted to date. "...just because I have friends and you DON'T"

hmm...right.

She has this way of twisting EVERYTHING you say in order to make YOU the one who is selfish, wrong, arrogant, mean, judgemental...whatever.

So, once again I'm simply a loser...I'm ugly...I have no friends...and guys will never want me.

Do you ever just want to punch someone really hard in the face? Like..really punch them.

Yeah.

I don't think it would solve anything.

But, I think I'd feel better than I do now.

Or maybe not.

But, I feel like crap right now.

She always wins.

Remember...Hollywood's not America.

My body is not happy that Ballet class decided to up its pain/difficulty factor by like five BAZILLION. Today's class was pain. My legs were on fire and sweat was pouring down my BODYYY. I mean, SICK, RIGHT? Sick. Ballet is way too hardcore for me, but, I like doing it and pretending to be hardcore. Kinda like...if I were to play football...but, not.

Enchanted came out on Tuesday. I have since watched it and my heart was a happier vessel because of it. It's basically...genius.

Tomorrow I will be 18 and 11 months old. One more month of the blessed "18", then it's on to bigger and better things like "19". I wish I was turning 20. All my friends are so, I feel left out. But, one day when they're turning 80 I'll still be 79 AHA! It's funny how I used to find these ages...18, 19...SO old...I feel SO young. Not young in a good way...I feel young in a 12 year old girl kinda way. I see other girls my age and they look so mature and woman-like. I don't feel like a woman. Hmm...I wonder when that feeling will be obtained.

Let's see...nothing really exciting has happened that is even worth writing about. Umm...I learned a New York time step in tap class. I'm not that good at it because I have weight shifting problems, but, this will be fixed with a bit more practice.

Hmm...I ordered makeup yesterday and it came in the mail TODAY! Talk about AWESOME shipping action!! I always love getting new makeup. Woot.

Dr. Sandley (Sp?), the head of Samford's Theatre department said the following when someone brought me up...:

"SHAR-A-COOKIE?!?!?!"

It's a phenomenon. Someday everyone will know Shara...like..."Would you like to share-a-cookie??"

Spring Break is so far away...we have the latest Spring Break ever and it makes me want to cut myself. School is so...gag. Actually, it could be A LOT worse. My teachers aren't heinous and my classes aren't hard...I'm just so unbelievably over it.

Well, I wish I had funny or interesting things to write about...but, I don't :( But, no one reads this so it's not like I'm boring anyone anyway :)

HOLLA,

Cookie

Can we be nothing? I heard it lasts forever...

Today. Today I did barely anything productive. I was a very very lazy individual. I got a pedicure, which was nice...except, I discovered as my pedicure was beginning, that I had neglected to shave my hairy manbeast legs. So, that was awkward and embarrassing. I've realized that I can never resist an America's Next Top Model marathon no matter how many times I've seen those episodes...I'm just so intrigued by beautiful people. Family news...my brother has decided that he's an Athiest now. Oh, boy. I think he was Buddhist last year...we'll see what he'll be in a few months. School news...hmm over it, as always. I haven't the slightest idea what to write my literature research paper on, and my topic is due Wednesday. I hate school. It is ridiculously lame. Friend news... Ashlee is coming home for her Spring Break on Saturday. This makes my heart so happy. My bfffffff. It's bitter sweet because it will be the last time I will see her until August due to Student Life. Me news... I'm doing okay. I scare myself sometimes because I feel like I'm falling back into my low self-esteem phases...that scares me. I don't want to go through that again. It hasn't been that bad in a pretty long time. I don't want to fall back into it. It makes me nauseous just thinking about how greatly I loathed my appearance. I don't want to do that again. Random news... I want it to be April so badly. I'm anxious to see what Student Life team I'm on, I need Spring Break REALLY badly, and, well, MY BIRTHDAY!! Birthdays are fun. I don't think I'm doing anything except going to school...but, it'll be my birthday nonetheless. And there's always some sense of joy just knowing that it's your birthday, I don't know haha. Also, April means the end of BCC forEVER...and closer to May 5th when I finally get to leave!

Tomorrow's my mom's birthday. It's also St. Patrick's day so, I suppose I'll wear something green. Do people still pinch you if you don't? That was always super awkward.

Love Always,
Cookie.