Oh, crap.

So, I was backstage for a show one time (which was actually a rather CRAPPY show...HAHA, oh, I kill myself), and a fellow cast member (a male) commented on how much he just loves women and how beautiful they are. (obviously he hasn't seen me in the morning harharhar)

Anyways, he went on to say that, and I quote,"Girls don't poop. They just can't. I refuse to believe that girls poop."

Hmm.Okay.

This makes me chuckle. I mean, sorry babe, but, girls in fact DO poop...unless, I'm a he-she or something and something is drastically wrong with me. But, yeah, we poop. I mean, what else would we do? We just eat stuff and it magically turns into beautifying cream inside our bodies. Wow, I wish.

But, pooping, I suppose, just seems like a..."manly" thing to do.

Men always get the rep of being the gross gender who fart and burp...and poop. But, girls just don't do any of those things. Because we're perfection. hehehe. But, I mean, I agree to a certain degree on the weirdness of thinking about some girls pooping. I mean, like supermodels...Heidi Klum. Yeah, I'm pretty sure she doesn't poop. Or like...me. You know, I'm insanely beautiful and I'm pretty sure guys would never believe that I could ever poop. (laugh. I'm kidding)

I've met a fair share of girls that just ooze perfection in my book. They're ALWAYS nice and happy. They're beautiful. They have the perfect boyfriend. They wear a size 00. They have flawless skin and hair. They are really neat and have probably never NOT made their bed. You know these people. And, well, I'm pretty sure those girls don't poop either. I mean, how could they? They're just so AWESOME

But, why is pooping such a degrading nasty thing? I mean, I don't know about you, but, I feel SO much better after I poop. Sometimes, I feel at least 5 pounds lighter which makes me feel SEXXXAAYYYY...(HAHA) I mean, sure, it's all the gross waste that your body doesn't need, but, isn't getting that stuff out better than keeping it all in?? Pooping should be glorified!! You should probably throw a party and pray a little thankful prayer to God that all that crap isn't stuck all up in you causing diseases! The act of pooping is a GLORIOUS thing!!

You know you're supposed to poop 3 times a day? I eat my fiber so, I'm doing pretty well...but, some people have told me that they only poop like ONCE A WEEK! or something even WORSE than that!!! Duuuuuude eat some vegetables!!! My goodness!! POOP ALREADY!! You're just trying to be a GIRL...cuz, they don't poop, you know.

My mom is like nutritionist/health crazed/PHD Nutrition super woman...and she loves talking about stuff like poop.

It's really disturbing in a way when your mother just wants to tell you about all the different kinds of poop and what they mean. But, I'm pretty much awesome at poop now.

FOR INSTANCE, if your poop floats, you have too much fat in your diet. Your poop should be like soft served ice cream. If that doesn't make you want to vomit, I don't know what else will.

I wonder if people would like poop more if it was...purple or...rainbow colored. I think there's a negative connotation associated with brown. I'm pretty sure blue or lilac would make people like poop more. I know I'd look forward to that. But,

I mean, if you think about girls pooping...that is just not at all gross compared to monthly periods. Sorry to men about getting on the period convo, but, periods are seriously like the most sick nasty thing OF ALL TIME. There is nothing hott about a period. Blood gushing out of you for a week from your vajayjay is not cute. It feels bad, it looks bad, and it smells bad. Fish tacos anyone? (eww Shara you are so inappropriate...oh, I try)

Ever had colonix?? My mom gets it. She loves it. But, she would. I don't know how I feel about someone sticking a tube up my butt & forcing water up through it so, I can watch all the poop come out of me. That's awkward. Who wakes up one morning and goes, "Hey, I think I'll be a colonix person when I grow up." ?

Well, actually, my mom's colonix person...is a WOMAN. She obviously poops because she loves it so much, she's around it all day long!

Well, I'm not sure there was a point to this. Poop, in my mind, is still brown, nasty, and smelly...but, it's a necessary part of life that women DO partake in. This I promise you.

Remember to eat lots of fiber, keep yourself regular, and be happy when you poop. You no longer have that inside of you and you are healthier, happier person because of it.

~Cookie

Just hold me...please...tight...and don't let go.

I wonder what God thinks when He thinks of me.

I hope he smiles. I hope he laughs.

I hope he's like, "Ah, yes, Shara, she makes me laugh...she's crazy."

I hope I make him proud of me. I hope I don't disappoint him too greatly.

I know one can never be "Good enough", but, sometimes I feel as though I fall so short, and that it must be impossible for God to be pleased with me.

But, I know he loves me.

I bet he has a great smile. And a crazy laugh...even crazier than mine.

I hope I bring out both of those.

~Cookie

I've got a pocketful of sunshine.

I don't understand why it is that I find horror films ridiculously hilarious...but, I do. I mean, I find them uncontrollably hilarious. At times, I find horror films funnier than most comedies. Horror films are genius when it comes to comedy...they just don't try to be.

Jessica and I went to see "The Ruins" today, and, I will admit, I was genuinely freaked out by the previews for this movie. It looked really freaky and disturbingly scary.

Oh, man. I literally laughed HYSTERICALLY OUTLOUD for most of the movie.

I am that obnoxious person in the movie theatre who is dying laughing when most people are covering their eyes in terror.

I mean, this is not the case most of the time. In my favorite horror films, the Saw movies, I lose my voice from all the screaming that comes forth from my vocal chords. I scream A LOT...climb on top of the seats...cower behind my hands/clothes/friends, etc. I love those movies (Except the 4th one...how disappointing...don't get me started), but, they make my heart race and genuinely scare the crap out of me. I find them genius though.

We also can't forgot the movie, "See No Evil", which would possibly be classified as a "B" movie because I doubt very many people have even heard of it. I screamed so loud during this movie, you would have thought it was I who was being attacked by a vicious murderer. I actually screamed so loud that an employee came into the theatre and told me, "Excuse me, ma'am, could you please stop that."

What? I was scared!! It was so scary. I felt nauseous afterwards and almost passed out. For this, I am not proud. haha

I don't recommend that movie. Not a keeper.

Anyways, but, THE RUINS!!! Holy bajeebers it was so funny. It was downright hilarious. The previews make you think that some sick people...most likely mutants, as they usually are (HAHA) are going to attack the random stupid teenagers that are on vaca. HOWEVER, the "bad guy" in this movie, one soon discovers, are maneating WEEDS...plants...these stupid plants that like attack you, and if you have a cut, they go inside you and like slither around. It's a stupid PLANT. I found this so funny.

With the exception of a GRODY scene of breaking a guy's legs with rocks and proceeding to cut off his legs with a tiny little knife and burning the open wound with a cast iron skillet...(I MEAN WHAT THE HECKKK SO UNCALLED FOR) the movie was very funny.

Cuz I mean...after they cut off his legs...the maneating plants came and stole the feet because they wanted to eat them. hahaha

My favorite part was this poor guy who got hurt...paralyzed actually...had bloody nasty legs when he went to bed. In the morning, this girl comes over and he's like, "I think something's wrong with my legs...look at them for me." and she pulls back the blanket and his legs are covered in...

WEEDS

HAHAHA

I mean, seriously? I laughed so hard. I felt bad. I know people don't like horror movie laughers...so, I was literally holding it back so hard. But, I was actually crying at some points I was laughing so hard. Especially when I discovered one of the lead guys had a funny lisp/awkward accent that I proceeded to mock and make fun of...and Jessica almost peed in her pants.

I await the moment when we get escorted out of a movie theatre. It is bound to happen soon.

Maybe I'm a sick individual, but, the movie was just too funny.

The acting was poor, but, that's expected. The girl from SAVED was in it...which I LOVE. She was obnoxious as heck in this movie though. I wanted so terribly to punch her. Also, the blonde pretty girl from SHE'S THE MAN...another all time favorite of mine, was in it. She went psycho...and that was kinda funny too. We also got to see her boobs. I mean, YAYYYY lifetime goal of mine. I love how horror movies feel the urge to always show at least one pair of boobs. Why? I mean...why?

in conclusion, don't waste your money.

1 month until Student Life---> YAY!

2 weeks until 19---woot!

1 blessed week of Spring Break RIGHT NOW---> thank goodness!!

~Cookie

Whisper sweet nothings in my ear.

I don't want to be famous. I don't want thousands of people screaming my name. I don't care if thousands of people even know my name. I don't want fame. I don't want to sign autographs. I don't want to be followed by the press. I just want to perform. I want to slip into another character's shoes and become that person for a night. I just want to perform. I just want to feel the warmth of the stage lights on my skin. I just want to perform. I just want to feel the stage beneath my feet. I just want to perform.
It's inside me. That's where it's always been; that's where it always will be. My heart yearns for the stage. My heart thirsts, craves, hungers for, aches for the stage. It's inside me.
It's apart of me.
I just want to perform.
Nothing less...nothing more.
I just want to perform.

It was all Yellow...

So, YESTERDAY my Student Life binder came in the mail, and I got SUPER excited and my heart felt like it was about to jump out of my body as I went ripping away at the envelope, proceeding to slowly turn the binder over to see the color gracing the front.

And it was....

YELLOW!!!

To be perfectly honest, I wouldn't have been disappointed with any team, but, deep down inside I wanted Yellow...and holy cow, for once in my life, I got what I wanted! haha...kidding.

I'm not sure why my heart wanted Yellow, but, it did.

So, I'm pretty stoked. It's somewhat sad looking through the list of names from the various teams as well as my own and barely recognizing ANY of them. I mean, very very very few names I recognize...not that I knew tons of SL people, but, still. I suppose it's just like last year. I was hoping to come back and feel like I knew people and knew what the heck I was doing...but, I feel like I'm in the same boat as last year; especially since supposedly a lot of changes are being made. But, I mean, that's exciting. I'm really excited for this summer and I just hope I can do a good job...and have fun! but, that's inevitable.

I shall miss my Blue Team '07 though. I think a hard part about this summer is going to be trying not to compare it to last summer...not compare the people/experiences/etc...or try to relive last summer. I just need to take this summer for what it is and run with it. Who knows...it could be ridiculously better :)

Okay, so, Samford University made me super t-oed.

Here's how this all went down.

So, my phone rings.

I answer it, and it's the Arts Recruiter from Samford.

Now, she's UBER excited...I mean, super excited about life that just OOZES all over the phone as she's talking to me. She is ridiculously excited about...something.

She proceeds to go on and on and ON about how there were hundreds of applicants this year for the School of the Arts and blah blah blah...and how out of all these people I was basically like the top pick.

She just went on and on and ON some more about how the I just impressed the crap (okay, she didn't say that) out of the Theatre department and they wouldn't stop talking about me...and, not only did I impress the Theatre Department, the Music Department (which I thought hated me actually haha) were extremely impressed by my singing.

She goes on.

And on.

"You're just exactly what we want and we're all just crossing our fingers and praying and hoping so hard that YOU'LL COME HERE"

Yeahhh...

Then the best part.

"So, we're going to offer you...

THREE-THOUSAND DOLLARS A YEAR!!"

My heart sunk.

What

the

crap.

I mean, the way she was talking, you would have thought that I was getting a full ride for crying out loud.

$3,000?!?!?!?!?!!?!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!

If I cussed, I'd cuss a lot right now.

This school is freakin 30 grand a YEAR and they're going to give me THREE THOUSAND DOLLARS?!?!?

Oh, snap, don't spend it all in ONE PLACE

I wanted to smack her...a good over the phone smack.

I mean, I'm at a loss for words. They're not giving me diddly squat for my academics because I'm a transfer student (STUPIDITY!!!!!)

I'm not trying to toot my own horn, but, I graduated from high school with a 4.5 GPA. I worked my butt off like you have no idea. I worked so hard. I spent 4 years with my face buried in books and what do I get?? Absolutely NOTHING. And why is that? Because the school I thought I was going to be attending didn't turn out the way I'd thought it would and I became a transfer student.

So, I went to college for the past two years and I have a 4.0 GPA. Straight freakin A's. Does that matter?? Oh, no. I get nothing. A pat on the back from my parents perhaps, but, other than that, nothing.

So, luckily I impressed the School of Performing Arts. I was hoping for SOME help, but, apparently they think it's a huge deal to give someone $3,000. Wow are they wrong.

So, now I'm in quite the pickle. I have no way of affording to go to Samford. I can't afford to go there. Who knows? I may have to stay for 3 years...and I absolutely refuse to owe close to $100,000 when I graduate. That doesn't even make a tiny bit of sense.

I'm trying SO hard and not to worry about this and just trust God...but, it's so hard. I have no idea what to do if I can't find a way to go to Samford. I have nothing else. I have nowhere to go.

So, Samford is not on my happy list right now. They get a Boo from Shara.

Okay, that was a nice vent.

LOVE,
Cookie

Because I knew you...I have been changed for good.

Oh, Jessica Cutler and Ashlee Black...

you both complete me.

Friends for about 5 years, but, it seems like a lifetime.

I am so blessed to have two people in my life that I can be mentally unstable with and...it's okay. I should have a six pack from all the laughing that occurs when we're together.

I'd imagine life without them...but, I don't like that very much.

I don't make much sense without them.

I love you both.

Jessica...see you...umm...tomorrow.

Ashlee...see you in August.

~Cookie

the rest is still unwritten

The Hills

I wish I didn't find it so intriguing, but, I've watched every season and definitely giddily cuddled up on my couch to watch the Season premier this evening. What is it that makes it so addicting? So...enthralling and enticing?

I've realized I have a fascination with beautiful people. I wonder what it's like. I wonder what it's like to be naturally 105 pounds. I wonder what it's like to have flawless glowing skin and a toothy smile filled with perfectly designed pearly whites. I wonder what it's like to have perfect hair that looks, well, perfect all the time. The leading characters of the Hills effortlessly gleam with beauty and it fascinates me to no end. I can't help but watch and wonder what it would be like to be one of them, if only for a moment.

I'm enthralled by their lives. Their lives seem so glamorous. They wear ridiculously expensive designer clothing, jewelry, and shoes. They live in LA and attend parties and, pretty much right out of high school, had jobs at Teen Vogue as interns. They go to PARIS. They attend balls and spectacles of such glamour, I couldn't even dream it up. They have more money than one could ever ask for. They've never and probably will never want for anything.

The reality factor seems extremely low. Wherever they go, there's always that handsome man who falls in love with them...who simply can't take his eyes off of them. He invites her somewhere...somewhere ridiculous...perhaps a hilltop overlooking the stars, complete with fireworks. Or maybe for a motorcyle ride around Paris, France as her designer ballgown flows in the wind.

I would be lucky if a guy at Mcdonalds smiled as he gave me my french fries.

This all amuses me. I think there's a part of people that want that...or, at least, are so curious about the lifestyles of the rich and the beautiful. Why else would we live in such a celebrity obsessed world? Their lives seem unreal compared to the drab existence I seem to live from day to day.

I wake up with pimples.

They wake up with a natural glow.

I slip into payless flats.

They slip into Christian Dior heels.

My hair gets poofier as the day goes on.

They're hair gets more fabulous as the day goes on.

I read romance novels.

They live them.

Of course, it's always said that it's all meaningless. This life will fade away. All the parties, the clothes, the beauty, the men,...it'll all go away. The only thing that means anything in this world are people's souls. They're the only thing that will ever last. I know this. I believe this.

But, there's always that curiosity...the desire somewhere inside of me that longs to be that gorgeous girl who has everything...or, at least, seems to.

The one all the girls want to be and all the boys want to be with.

Even though it's probably turning my brain into mush, I will continue to watch the Hills and bask in all that is glitz and glamour.

Perhaps it's like a good book that steals you away from the mundane redundance of every day life. It's nice to escape into someone else's. Someone you can't relate to in the slightest, but, a part of you wishes you could.

However, in the end of the day, I wouldn't trade places with any of them. Who wants to know Spencer Pratt anyway?? Gah, he is so heinous, I fight the urge to scream and throw stuff at my television whenever I see his disgusting peach fuzzed face.

I love you all.

~Cookie